My Only Sunshine
by Spongecatdog
Summary: Hide is Kaneki's sunshine, so please, please don't take him away.


**A/N: Merry Early Christmas. I give you the gift of many HideKane feels. **

**Have****fun**

* * *

><p><span><em>You are my sunshine, my only sunshine<em>

Sometimes Kaneki thought about what his life was like before Hide met him and befriended him. He remembers how it used to feel to be the kid left out. He could only hide behind so much of the printed words and thin pages on the books his father had left him. But when Hide first introduced himself...It was like something changed for Kaneki. Although if Kaneki was completely honest, he had to admit that hei didn't care for the change at first. To a boy who had never really been noticed before and therefore never really interacted with, Hide was loud and a little scary. But looking back at Hide now...Kaneki had to compare Hide most to the idea of a bright, warm sun.

The blond's whole being seemed to shimmer. His smile was blinding. Most of all though, Hide himself was comforting and warm. It was something new to Kaneki, who had only really had his mother smile at him that way (or had his father smiled at him too? Kaneki can't even seem to remember his face anymore, so he couldn't be too sure). He didn't know how to feel about Hide and his strange warmth at first. Over time, however, Kaneki grew to become fond of his excitable, sunny _friend_.

_You make me happy when skies are grey_

Kaneki smiled for what felt like the first time in a while. It had been a while since he last saw Hide. But it still seemed like whenever he was around the blond, he relaxed automatically. Even with his eye twitching from time to time behind his eye patch and the area where his- what did the people at Anteiku call it again?- _rinkaku_ itching where it came out of his lower back, Kaneki still felt like he was a little closer to being human. Kaneki wondered if all friends shared a bond like he and Hide shared with each other. Even though, for some reason, Kaneki was beginning to feel like he wanted to 'just be friends' with Hide anymore…Almost like he wanted something _more_ with his and Hide's relationship.

Kaneki shoved that thought away from his mind. There was no need to question things now. He was fine with how things were. As long as Hide was happy, then it was okay.

After all, it was better for him to be the one hurt and wanting more than the one hurting and possibly disgusting Hide.

_(Right?)_

_You never know, dear, how much __**I love you**_

Kaneki didn't know when he began to love Hide. And honestly, Kaneki is not sure when he had the time to begin loving Hide. After Rize and becoming a half ghoul, he might have began to foster feelings, but they were covered up by the time Kaneki met Tsukiyama. After having two 'dates' end horribly (and ironically almost getting eaten at the end of both), Kaneki decided to step back a little when it came to looking for a relationship.

And then Aogiri happened.

After that...Kaneki couldn't think about his feelings about Hide much. He was too busy trying to hold what remained of him together. Kaneki tried to focus himself on another mission (anything to get away from his thoughts, please please pleas ep_lea se pleaseplea__**seplease**_). So he went after the man who turned him into what he is. He wanted answers. Kaneki wanted to know _why_. Why do this to him? Who was that doctor really? How many others had he changed into whatever he was now?

But that didn't turn out the way he wanted it to at all.

After that, Kaneki returned back to where it all began. He came back to the 20th Ward. Kaneki had mixed feelings about returning if he was honest. He missed his friends there and wanted to see them again. But at the same time, they would see how different he was now. Another thing that bothered Kaneki was that he couldn't see Hide anymore. He couldn't allow his sunny, human friend know what he had turned into now. Hide would think he was a monster now

_(He even had the white hair and scars to prove it.)_

Despite this, Kaneki would think of Hide sometimes. He would wonder if Hide felt the same way towards him at all or if they could have ever really been together. And then Kaneki stops thinking about it and goes on to take Hinami along with him on a stroll or teach Banjou more about kanji because thinking of the 'could have beens' is too painful to bear.

"_**Please don't take my sunshine away"**_

Tears were pouring down his face. He couldn't see Hide anymore. Even if it might have been a fake Hide… Kaneki still wanted to see him again. He wanted to hear the blond tell him over and over again that it was okay and that Hide wasn't angry at him. That Hide still wanted to go home with him even with his despicable eye and white hair and rinkaku. Hide didn't care about any of those things. He just wanted everything to be okay again.

Kaneki hated the taste of copper in his mouth. He hated the way that his stomach felt full and how quickly he was now regenerating. But what he hated the most was the knowledge that he might never see Hide again. All because of him.

And that was what scared Kaneki so much he felt like he was going to throw up whatever (_whoever_) was in his stomach now.


End file.
